Hot Mess Syndrome

Do you suffer from Hot Mess Syndrome (HMS)? Do you care for someone who might be suffering from HMS?  If so, this post is for you. There are distinct signs and symptoms unique to individuals suffering from HMS.  Noticing the signs and being properly diagnosed is the first step toward obtaining the right course of treatment.  Sadly, there is no cure for HMS, but sufferers have been known to experience remission from time to time.

Please take the below quiz to determine whether you may suffer from this debilitating illness:

(1) Have you ever left your home wearing one blue shoe and one black shoe? Alternatively, do you own a pair of white panty hose that you insist on matching with white pumps?

(2) Do you eat pop-tarts for breakfast?  Lunchables for lunch?

(3) Do you own a pair of pants with the word "Juicy" emblazoned on the behind, only you do not actually have a behind?  And you continue to wear them talking about some "I look good guuuurrrrl!"

(4) When you leave your home on Monday morning, are you sometimes wearing the same clothes that your neighbors, if called to testify, could confirm you were wearing all weekend?

(5) Have you allowed your eyebrow and/or mustache hair to get so out of control that small children in the mall come up to you questioning your gender?  A typical query from a small child might sound something like "Are you a boy or a girl?"

(6) Have you ever lost your keys, adamantly blamed everyone and their mama for taking them, and later found those keys in the refrigerator?

(7) Are you constantly repeating yourself?  Are you constantly repeating yourself?

(8) When you take off your shoes at the nail salon does your nail technician immediately begin chattering to her colleagues in a language you can't understand?

(9) Quick check a mirror. Is there lipstick on your teeth or under your lip? Are your penciled-in eyebrows askew? Do you have enough powder on your face to qualify as a donut? 

(10)  Do your co-workers know not to schedule meetings before 11:00 a.m., because the likelihood of you being in the office before then is about as likely as your child being REALLY sorry for whatever you sent him to time-out for.

(11) Do all your pictures on Facebook primarily feature your own face? Are you sporting massive duck face in those pictures - in a totally non-ironic way? Are you nodding your head right now? Ok, now slap yourself.

(12) Do your children have a "look" that they exchange amongst themselves in your presence to simultaneously convey confusion and pity?

If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions, you have a strong risk factor for HMS.  Note that your risk factor increases with each subsequent child.

Please call 1-800-TAKEANAPDAMMIT for more information on combating this disease. You are not alone. 

Readers, are you currently suffering from HMS?